i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
