She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
