i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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