my sisters under your porch take her home
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
