Do you still have your period?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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