I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
