so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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