i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
