i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
