God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
