I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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