We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
