if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
