I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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