But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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