I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
