Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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