If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
