a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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