so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
