AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize