my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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