on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
