Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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