I'm jealous of your bromance
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
