I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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