Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
