they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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