hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize