He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
