I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize