Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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