my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Im part way to drunk.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize