Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
