I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
