i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
