My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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