How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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