Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So many bounce houses so little time
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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