i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
