I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
