Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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