Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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