you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
