I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He did a backflip because drugs
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