You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
