So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
