Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I could fuck to npr.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
