I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize