About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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