Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
