grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
