i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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