maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
