Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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