woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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