I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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