do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this beer tastes like vomit already
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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