my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
