Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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