Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
