she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize