They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
