he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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