I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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