I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
