dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
