I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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