Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
