dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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