I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
