She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
