Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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