Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
