The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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