I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
