Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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