don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
