Christians are straight up FREAKS
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
