hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize