you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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