There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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