I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
