Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
