Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
