who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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