Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
