I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
