This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
