I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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