I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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