Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
