I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
