I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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