so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
