your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
